THE LONE RANGER (Dawn, Tuesday Review, January 25-31, 1994)
Dawn, Tuesday Review, January 25-31, 1994
THE LONE RANGER
By Adil Ahmad
To me bachelorhood implies a state of mind. Free,
independent, and totally gungho! Being single, naturally, has everything to do
with it. The element of privacy. The option to exercise one's options without
let or hindrance. Bachelorhood, for some obscure reason, has come to symbolise
a finite period of self-expression which, at some point during the male's
mortality, should come to an end. This being the point at which the female
(dreaded?!) enters his scheme of things.
But why should a female enter the male's scheme of
things so comprehensively that he surrenders the very distinction which
attracted her to him in the first place. His freedom of self-expression. His
option to exercise his options without let or hindrance. The very quality
within man which sets him apart from the rest of Allah's creation.
Why should man be required by woman to surrender his
free, independent, totally gungho frame of mind in return for her companionship?
Why should woman seek to quash and extinguish completely man's creative genius,
and turn him into little more than a beast of burden?
Marriages
are made in heaven and solemnized on earth, with a piece of paper bearing the
witness of a self-appointed pontiff. Society, and its cultural inheritance,
decides how two people, male and female, drawn together by a set of common
factors, shall conduct themselves in public.
A
relationship where both participants stimulate each other, intellectually and
otherwise, is the most enduring. It can continue indefinitely, with chances of
both being kept together in the Hereafter, irrespective of their legal status
on earth!
The
institution of marriage attains importance when the couple begins contemplating
procreation. The bringing into the world, with the Will of Allah, of yet
another living soul. This little, teeny-weeny living soul needs a structured
environment to grow and mature in. A support structure which will sustain him
physically and emotionally. The decision having been made, man settles down
into a routine which enables him to do his duty by his family.
In
the eyes of traditional society, specially from the viewpoint of his in-laws,
doing his duty by his family implies a state of mental castration. The
abandoning of his 'bachelorhood' and everything else the term ever stood for.
It’s about perceptions, really. In nine cases out of ten those afflicted
by the "married man syndrome" have wives who would have done much
better in the army as NCOs. These women are those with massive chips on their
shoulders and a compulsive need to dominate both physically and emotionally.
Beauty is skin deep, and lust even shallower. In such cases the romance goes
out of the window very soon after the deed is done. Thereafter the contract,
the piece of paper, takes over lock, stock and barrel, assuming the proportions
of a cement block around the poor male's
neck. The in-laws behave like hardened out-laws, plundering and looting at will
not just the poor man's pay cheque but his peace and tranquility as well. That
is when he yearns for his lost bachelorhood.
The one case out of ten that is not afflicted by the "marred man
syndrome" is where the married man has a compatible, inspired mate who
subscribes to the doctrine of space, and finds satisfaction in letting her male
set his own pace in his own chosen direction. Such conditions can justifiably
be defined as ideal, and the piece of paper, the contract, loses much of its
clout since it ceases to be the reason for their existence together.
In
circumstances like these, bachelorhood is not sacrificed at the altar of love.
It is merely added to. Two bachelors uniting together for a greater purpose in
life, forming a team. Harmonising on the field, and scoring goals on cue. Making
the sort of music that stirs the soul. A combination that makes for poetry in
motion.
Chinese wisdom has it that a great man is one who has not lost his
child's heart. To be possessed with the spirit of discovery and the zest for
life. Oh woman! Would you deny me that?
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